The Moment I Decided to Take Control

Before you can even think about an identity shift, you must know what your current identity is and what part of it you want to change. 

It all started a few years ago, leading up to my 40^th birthday, when I started to question, not only my identity, but my life. My life going as far back as a 2 year old child.  When I look back now, without being aware, I knew that I had lost control of my identity. In fact, I questioned if I ever had control or knew who I truly was. I had so many questions, unknowns and I remember feeling lost and completely disconnected.

The vision of this blog came alive when I started to look back on the last three years of my life and what I went through. The healing journey I never saw coming.  If I never saw it coming for myself, I know anyone who me never saw coming either. The layers upon layers of shit that I didn’t even know existed. It’s amazing what our bodies are capable of. 

I need to shine a light on the epidemic of body shaming. I grew up in a time where dieting was “the” thing women did. If you weren’t on one diet, you were on another. Moms would diet and talk about how much they didn’t like their body or what they wished was different.  The scale was an obsession. I remember in Grade 6, the boys rated us girls. They had a list of the top 10 who they considered the best looking. Grade 6! If you didn't make the list, you were left to feel less than... I did not make the list. And that was only on a piece of paper. I couldn’t imagine what it’s like to navigate being a young girl today. I know it’s harder than ever before, with social media. Girls are constantly comparing themselves to what they see online. I notice how girls can’t even post a selfie without putting a filter on it.  Are they ashamed? Are they that insecure, they are already starting to body shame themselves?

Squirrel.... Now back to this blog…

What I’m getting at, is we, especially girls, don’t even stand a chance. How can we even begin to understand our identity and our bodies with consuming all of the outside noise?  Our bodies are REMARKABLE! They give us a chance at life! They carry us through every step and every second of each day. It restores itself; it speaks to us, it protects us…. When I look back on all of the body shaming I experienced, I am making it a priority to only focus on loving and appreciating my body. 

Knowing what I know now, I see that the biggest blessing I ever received was the gift of protection. My body, my mind, is so powerful, it protected me from remembering so much of what happened when I was a young child. It waited until I was ready. It is so powerful and intuitive, it knew exactly what I needed when and why without me having to think about. That’s the thing about life, our bodies, when we go within and trust and have faith, everything always happens the way its supposed to. Life happens for us, not to us. And if you think that life is happening to you, then there’s an identity crisis happening within you. You’re in your mind and attaching yourself to things that are completely out of your control. You are living as a victim and not victorious.

When I started down the path of inner child work and identity awareness, I could have easily justified that none of it was my fault. I could have screamed, yelled, and self medicated. I could have laid blame, shame, justify and complain about it all.  I could have went down a 'poor pitiful me' path. But I chose to rise above it all. I know that whatever life throws at me, I am an adult. I took responsibility, held myself accountable and took control of my life. 

I know that the choices I made were unrecognizable, unfamiliar and disapproved of, but none of that mattered to me. The only thing that mattered to me is that I became aware, took control and began getting to know myself. I unattached myself from all of the things outside of me and really, truly got to know myself. And will continue to do so forever!  Because the art of living is created through doing the hard things. We are not meant to live standing still and believing we are living a life that is “good enough”. “Good enough” is living in mediocrity. 

What have I learned about myself? I have learned that taking care of everyone else’s emotional well-being, while suppressing my own needs, was the very reason I ended up where I did up to the summer before I turned 40. It is the very reason I was left feeling empty, lost and unfulfilled. I learned how it felt to say no. That no response is a response. Not in a rude or ignorant way, but in a healthy boundary kind of way. I developed a level of emotional intelligence that allowed me to breathe, recognizing what was mine and what was not. It highlighted all of the shit I carried on my shoulders that belonged to others.

There are no words to describe the level of freedom I have created for myself. Walking you through the fire, we break down your barriers of shame, blame, justifying, and complaining through truth and channeled guidance.